Dark Shadows (2012)

Directed by Tim Burton

Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Michelle Pheiffer, Chloe Grace Moretz, Honny Lee Millar, Eva Green

Feels like we've been here far too many times in the past ten years.  The film's premise of family sticking together could well be a justification for Tim Burton to use his regulars.

Based on a 1970's TV series, Dark Shadows sees an ill-fated Vampire named Barnabas Collins awaken in 1972 after being placed under a curse in the 18th century.  He finds that his original love is gone, but that he has descendants who are living under fierce financial competition from Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green), the witch who placed Barnabas under the curse in the first place.

With a well spoken wit, traditional values and the odd thirst for blood, Barnabus insists on trying to save his family from disaster.

So we're all used to Burton's style now.  Where Johnny Depp will play an outsider who actually has more to offer the world than is expected.

However Dark Shadows is more entertaining that the last ten years.  There are a couple of surprises.  The film is shot more like a decent vampire film from the 70's.  And the soundtrack seems placed to let any older folk seem more at home.

The film isn't as unchallenging as Alice in Wonderland and not as much of a headache as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Though it's not as good as Sweeney Todd, Burton has got himself back on what he does best.  Making an horror that's not scary but fun.

However for anyone who's seen The Addams Family, you'd wonder why he bothered with this one at all.

3.5/5

If you liked this you should try
Beetlejuice (1988) 4/5
The Addams Family (1991) 4/5

Legend of the Guardians : The Owls of Ga' Hoole (2010)

Directed by Zack Synder

Starring Helen Mirren, Hugo Weaving, Sam Neill, Bill Hunter, Miriam Margolyes, Geoffrey Rush, Richard Roxburgh

Where Harry Potter brings together British acting aristocracy, this film has brought Australia's equivalent.

Based on a probably lesser known book series, Legends of the Guardians certainly portrays the more classical children's fantasy from the 20th Century, along with Watership Down.

It sees Soren, a young owl who firmly believes in a group of warrior owls known as the Guardians.  When he and his siblings are kidnapped by "Pure Ones", a dominating group of Owls who wish to rule and oppress the Owl world, he manages to escape and find himself on a journey to gain help from his legends.

Legends of the Guardians is decent enough.  It's refreshing to see a CGI film that's not overly bright, hurting the eyes of parents who've seen it one too many times in Shrek.

It can be a bit tough for young children.  But for those older than seven, it'll be an introduction to maturer films. It won't be to every child's taste.  One remembers The Land Before Time when young and there being little humour to keep the tale going.  Folks who were children then may have their own now.  And it's probably the closest thing to darker story telling in recent years that's not reaching itself into a franchise.

3.5/5

If you liked this you should try
An American Tail (1986) 5/5
The Land Before Time (1988) 3/5

The Smurfs (2011)

Directed by Raja Gosnell

Starring Neil Patrick Harris, Hank Azaria, Katy Perry, George Lopwez, Alan Cumming

Is it right for me to criticize The Smurfs?  It's not aimed at me.  It's aimed at very small children surely.  And adults who remember the cartoon.  The in-between folk will no doubt be in cynical mode once the film starts.

But rightly so I say.

So we open with a Hobbit Shire-like Smurfland where a small population of small creatures known as Smurfs reside.  Each day they have fun, stay happy and continuously sing the most annoying tune available.

And someone doesn't like them.  Who'd have guessed?

Gargamel, an evil wizard with the most bizarrely CGI-ed cat, has plans for using the Smurfs for his own wicked and magic devices.

I side with the villain from minute one.

After a heavy chase some Smurfs and Gargamel find themselves in modern day New York.  There they meet a pregnant couple and a manipulating fashion designer.

Again this film is directed right to the kids.  Which is fine.  So long as no other human has to endure it.  Azaria's camp villain jumps throughout the film without even the hint of menace.  The Smurfs themselves are truly frustrating and I never thought it possible, but I actually hated Neil Patrick Harris while watching it.

Would have no problem with the film makers being slowly burnt alive with salt acid being sprinkled over them.  With the Smurf's annoying song being sung for further injury.

1/5

If you like this you should try
Scooby-Doo (2002) 2/5
The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse (2005) 3.5/5

California Man

Directed by Les Meyfield

Starring Sean Astin, Pauly Shore, Brendan Fraser

Teenagers aren't given much credit. After John Hughes movies that gave them intelligence, it feels as if certain teenagers have only the drives of trying to get the girl and overthrow the bully.

And why shouldn't a cave man who's been frozen in your back yard for centuries help you achieve all this?

Rather well behaved but geek type teenagers Dave and Stoney discover a huge block of ice within their back garden. So they quickly hide it only to discover it holds within it a prehistoric human.

The human escapes and Dave and Stoney have themselves a new toy friend. Someone to mould into their own design and possibly let loose on the problems we all faced at one stage.

Even as a fun and quick ride the film doesn't do anything I haven't seen before. There's some fun from Brendan Fraser, but being the main focus of the film, even he feels restricted. But I suppose you can't give a cave man too much dialogue. The audience will suspect there's something up.

Maybe I took it too seriously. Maybe I need to chill.

Or maybe I just think John Hughes was right and didn't reduce everyone down to their desires. He at least gave them interests.

2 / 5

If you like this you should try

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989) 3 / 5

Wayne's World (1992) 4 / 5

Deep End (1970)

Directed by Jerzy Skolimowski

Starring John Moulder Brown, Jane Asher, Diana Dors

Teen films will get better won't they? At this level I can't see it happening.

Fifteen year old Mike gets himself a job at the local bath house and swimming pool establishment. Young, niave and attracting attention from the older women clients, Mike has his eyes firmly on his new female co-worker Susan.

And so the pain begins. Deep End is a funny, warm and tragic film that reminds us all that at one stage, we were young. And sometimes there is logic to be had at a time when everything's confused.

Shot perfectly when the two leads are together, I feel as if I should try to protect it from anyone trying to copy its template.

4.5 / 5

This Means War (2012)

Directed by McG

Starring Reese Witherspoon, Tom Hardy, Chris Pine

Wasn't Reese Witherspoon meant to be the next Julia Roberts? For a while I sort of hoped not. But this film seems to put that label back onto her.

Tom Hardy and Chris Pine are two C.I.A agents who through a dating website and some governmental hacking are now dating the same woman. That same woman, Lauren (Witherspoon) is just an unlucky gal when it comes to love - so is at first cautious about taking on two guys at once.

So the joke is that being C.I.A agents they both have electronic and spy like skills at their disposal to fight it out.

It first feels like a chick-flick for guys. And that's it. There's little fun had by the two male leads and Witherspoon seems to rely on her friend Trish's (Chelsea Handler) crazy suggestions more than her own initiative. And one thinks Witherspoon's character is to blame to a degree. What with her knowing fully that she's dating two guys.

In that last paragraph I think I've confirmed what we discussed at University at times concerning audiences at the cinema. That the viewer will most likely bring their own experiences to the picture.

For this film I sort of had to. There was no other way I'd enjoy it.

2/5

If you like this you should try

True Lies (1994) 4/5

Charlie's Angels (2000) 2/5

Get Smart (2008) 4/5

Date Night (2010) 4/5

The Mistress of Spices (2005)

Magic realism doesn't get much presence in cinema. Mostly Hallmark made-for-TV films would handle it. Which is why it's not surprising that The Mistress of Spices feels like one of them.

Tilo, a girl who can see into the future and is taught the ways of spice allows her skills to be used in a small Bazaar shop in San Francisco. But no matter how many people she can help, she cannot help herself with her gifts. Until someone rather handsome passes by and he has some connection to Red Chillis.

Whether there's any reading of this, I felt I was watching something like Spider-man again. Where there was a 'With great power comes great responsibilty' message being repeated, yet I couldn't absorb it. The film is light enough and I'm glad it is. Any heavier and I'd be regretting watching it.

Although it's been a while since I've seen a film set in San Francisco, so in that respect I'm giving it more credit than it deserves. I would have liked to seen more 'magic' in the 'magic realism' - but I suppose it's a genre that contradicts itself within those two words.

Or have I been watching Harry Potter too much?

2/5

If you like this you should try

Amelié (2001)